ratchet chronicles: so i think i might have had a foursome last night

YEEAAAAAA…………..sooo…ok…those who actually read my blog know that yesterday was my birthday….you also know that I am newly single…so dont judge this post….lol…yea so my best friend and I went out last night to the local gay club. we were watching a drag show and talking shit….the usual…anyways rueben says he needed to go to the bathroom …while in the bathroom he ran into…the Alva brothers  <back story: both rueben and I used to talk to both of them back before i ended up in my relationship> ….so rueben sent me a text saying “bitch the Alvas are here” i turn around and wam there is ……we will call him otis for the sake of the story…so as the night went on i got drunker and drunker…its my birthday of course danced the night away…and then the alvas invited us to an after party….rueben was like no lets all go back to my place….long story short we all ended up in the jacuzzi ….it was raining but nobody gave a fuck…we were all in the hot tub…next thing i know mufuckas clothes are coming off hands are going everywhere….everyone is naked…there was a toe in my ass at some point….rueben takes Otis’ brother Melvin in his room to “finish him” lol…im ready to go but all our keys are in ruebens room…rueben wont answer his door or phone and i hear snoring…so i had to break in his room from the outside window….as soon as i get in…i realize that both of them are butt ass naked and sprawled out across the bed……well so were our keys….so i climb in bed with these two naked snoring bodies feeling around in the dark for 2 pairs of keys….needless to say i found them…i took otis home…and now im here….yup…welcome back ratchetness…..fml

i got flirted with and had to deny

 well i mean i couldnt really go too far with it anyways..im happily taken….but it is fun to know you still got it….this guy was way  cute though….hes the manager of a buffalo wild wings…and my friend was trying to do something ratchet with some coupons and so he had to come out and deny them….we knew he was gay because he was giving me too much eye contact (yall already know) anyways…he would be looking around the table and i was checking him out which is okay for me to do because he was the one ALL of us were looking at…but even though he was trying to take care of my friend amanda, he kept staring at me…… BEAUTIFUL SMILE….anyways…after he leaves everybody was like “wait is he gay?” and i was like “i dont know ….i think so” and so they were joking around….. our food came and natalies order was wrong…so i was the closest to the manager so i had to flag him down….he was like…”how can i help you?” my friend was like ” you can help HIM in more ways than one……” and he laughed and just smiled at me and stared….and all i could say was ” Oh my god im so embarrassed” ……i usually have soooo much game…but like i choked..anyways he was like “you have nothing to be embarrassed about”…and my friends both said at the same time…”HAAAAAAY!!!” and i swear to you guys….he starts laughing and staring at me…and i couldnt even look him in the eye….so i said “her order was wrong” as i was looking at the table…and he was like..”.is that all you need from me?” and my friends were looking at me …hes still smiling…im freaking so uncomfortable…and i was like “yea thats it” and he looked confused….and walked away…my friends were asking me what happened to my confidence…and i was like i am confidant that i love my boyfriend…its just crazy how friends, even though they are just messing around, can really have you fuck up something good

fuuuck dude..(gross story)

So today at work….as i was running my morning LOD shift….we had a visit from staritech …which is a company that does target compliance/ safety audits…thats all cool and dandy whatever whatever blah blah blah…aaaaanyways the lady left the store and said we were green in the whole store which is good…so after i walked her through one of the stores in my district…i realized i needed to use the bathroom…so i go to the executive bathroom somebodies in there…i go to the team member restroom somebody is in there…so i say fuck it…all i have to do is pee…so im going to go to the stores public restroom….i walk in there and i see two guys standing at the 2 open urinals that we had…so i walked to the stalls…and there it was…i opened the door in a rush because i was about to pee on myself….and what do i find?….SHIT…all on the fucking walls….all on the fucking toilet…all on the toilet handle…and a solid piece of turd just sitting smack dab in the center of the floor…i screamed ” OH JESUS!” and ran out the door …i ran to the GSTL ( the gstl is like the manager of the front of the store) I was like…you have a problem…and he was like what do you need me to do…i was like who do you have in charge of cleaning the bathrooms ..and he told me who…and i told him there was doodoo EVERYWHERE…and he needs to send somebody to take care of it..and if its not taken care of within 10 minutes i will have to come back and do corrective actions…FUCKING GROSS

ratchet night last night

So…. i got stood up for a date!!! Thats a first time thats ever happened for me, crazy part was i didnt see it coming because i wasnt the person who asked for the date…anyways so for the rest of the day i was dragging my ass across my apartment feeling low…and then my best friend said…before you let that emo spirit take hold…go out and wild out…and so i took her advice..and i went out with my roomate to this club in Pomona called Alibi…I normally dont like this club because its where latinos go to meet latinos…and my roomate is latino so thats his SPEEZ…so anyways i was like fuck these niggas im going to wild out and i dont care if im not what they are looking for im just going to go have fun….tell me why..i got WASTED off of 1 “wet pussy” (vodka shot) and 2 beers…i was FUCKING DRUNK and dancing with all kinds of dudes…and they were into me and they were cute but i didnt have all my mental shit together because of the inebriation so i didnt get any numbers…and then i threw up outside the club (SMH) …my roomate was trying to tell me to drive home…but i dont drink and drive so i slept in my car at the Ontario Mills Mall parking lot….i woke up and didnt know what was going on..


This morning started off just as any other morning, with me rushing to get dressed and get to class. However this morning I decided to go to the local AMPM to get me a white chocolate frapuccino. This is where the story takes a left turn. I pull into pump number 18 which is far away from the entrance of the store, and this homeless gentleman comes up to me and exclaims ” ill tap dance for some change nigga”………So at this point im intrigued because i have never been propositioned for drug money in such a way. So i said to the man….commence tapping..Now let me describe this gentleman’s appearance for a quick moment or else i wouldnt do the story justice. He had on some stacey adam inspired dress shoes on with one white sock and one black sock..some khaki cargo shorts..and a rather well kept wool coat. In any event, this man starts doing some sort of jig with a smirk on his face and one of his eyes cocked. I gave him 50 cents because in no way was i impressed. I go into the store to get my cup of coffee and pay for some gas, where i ran across “The Bomb” burrito that i posted up above. I didnt know we got to the point in our society where it was generally accepted to sell something called “the bomb”. Next it will be “swagged out” churros. I know it seems that the story is winding down, but alas….it isnt… I drove out of the parking lot thinking wow that was so ratchet nobody will believe me..but it gets worse…not even 3 blocks down i was stopped at a red light where 3 youngsters were on their way to arroyo valley high im sure.. The boy was wearing a du-rag with a pullover hoodie some jeans that were sagging to mid thigh level exposing his basketball shorts and draws, and had some air forces on. One girl looked decent, and the other had her hair tied up in a leopard print scarf with her ponytail hanging out.. a black babyphat jacket with the fur..some pajama pants that were cut off to make some shorts, knee high socks and some high heel boots, she was also walking with a snuggie flapping in the wind as if it were a cape..So im waiting at the light for these hood buzzards to go across the street at which point the boy exclaims to the girl “twerk somethin’ bitch!!!” The girl in the high heel boots throws her backpack to the floor…drops into a squat and starts popping her ass with vigor. Some of you might be thinking..all is well they were excited to go to school, however there was no music playing, i was the only car at the light. The only thing that could encourage them to do that was the hood orchestra that was playing in their heads respectively.. Its not quite done yet…as if that were not enough.. the boy ascertained that the young woman was getting tired, so he took off his du-rag and started whipping her with it in the ass saying “YA……YA……YA….YA….” this isnt “ya” as in i agree or i concur…this is the “Ya” that cowboys use in order to get their horses to move….the decent looking girl just kept screaming “AAAAAAAYEEEEE!!!” the light turned green , they grabbed their belongings and trotted across the street. As im typing this it seemed longer than what it really was, i didnt have enough time to unlock my phone and record…but this morning has had to be one of the most ghetto mornings ive had in quite some time…I wish i had some beautiful bean footage to show you all, but i dont, i wasnt prepared. What still alludes me is how people can go from acting so ghetto, to walking across the street as casual as any other pedestrian